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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  June 15, 2015 5:42pm-6:16pm PDT

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>> yes. thank you very much. thank you very much. welcome to "the nightly show." i'm larry wilmore. political strategist frank luntz joins us tonight. man, you guys. what a weekend i had. went to this pool party. things got out of hand. cops had to come. turns out it was a huge misunderstanding over hot dogs versus hotlinks. officers, once again, i just want to say -- i just want to say my bad. that's on me. that one was on me. okay? i wasn't quite as bad as what happened at this pool party at mckinney, texas. >> a young girl, clad only in a bikini, dragged to the ground by a police officer.
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when other teenagers try to intervene, the officer pulls out his gun. >> okay. so far everything is by the books. officer, i don't know if you've been watching the news this past year, but black people don't like that anymore. it's not fun. guys, this is pretty unbelievable. okay. first he throws this 15-year-ovdx girl in a bikini to the ground like she's nothing. right? her friends run up to help her. that's when this other dude breaks into this scene. seriously, who is this dude? 'cause he looks like a neighbor who heard the commotion, threw on his best jorts. all right? had decided he had to get a front seat for the degrading of the negro, right? just like on tv. anybody hungry about some brazil nuts? it escalates from there, right? then the cop pulls his gun because clearly he's a maniac. check out his cop buddies.
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ease up, bro. then they remember he's crazy. the cop's full-body weight crushing this 15-year-old's menace to society. and jorts guy leaves, because he's, like i've had enough of this. i'm taking my brazil nuts. i hear you. what sets this off? let's hear from the 19-year-old who threw the party. >> this lady was saying racial slurs to friends that came to the cookout. she was saying things about black effort, that's why you live in section 8 homes. >> i agree that's awful, but kudos to the racist lady for dropping the n-bomb. all right? you're the recipient of "the nightly show" extremely low bar award. all right?
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got to find a silver lining somewhere, right? all right. the lady is yelling racial slurs at these kids. somebody calls the police. that's when the cops start rounding everybody up. >> i told you to stay down on the ground. >> earlier the officer could be seen chasing boys and cursing as he forced them down to the ground. >> can i see that barrel roll again? oh, my god. pretty impressive. okay. first i was sick to my stomach, guys, but that's kind of the most hilarious thing i've ever seen. why is he barrel rolling? i got a feeling that's not his first barrel roll, right? he's getting to the end of the month, hasn't barrel rolled, right? [bleep].
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i got to barrel roll. [bleep] he checks to see if there's a soft landing around. we got a perpetrator. what's the terrain like? some kind of embankment? i'll be there. barrel roll. i mean, the video itself is disturbing enough, but what's almost as awful is the awkward media coverage of it. >> i wouldn't want that to be my daughter, no doubt about that. >> right. >> but -- >> no. there's no buts. that's the end of the statement. there's no reason for a trained officer to do that. go ahead. give me the lame excuse why a grown man should throw down a 15-year-old girl. >> but, i mean, at that point when you got other people running around, he's trying to get out there, trying to get the situation done just like anybody else would.
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>> no. anyone else would be, like, calm down, teenagers, while i arrest the crazy racist lady who started this [bleep]. if there's anyone we can trust with nuance coverage of a horrific story like this, it's "fox and friends." you guys, check out -- [laughter] check out this segueway at the end of this. check this out. >> sits on her for 15 minutes. the officer pulls his gun as the girl's friends jump in to help. we're live from texas with the latest. have you heard about what jerry seinfeld said about the influence of the pc police on college campuses? >> fox, i'm losing all ability to follow you guys. you know, the pc police can [bleep] wait.
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let's talk about the real police. seriously. what is wrong with them? all right, all right. okay. so then five minutes later this. >> we're doing a story today on pool safety, because it is safety month. [applause] >> they literally went from reporting cops abusing children at a pool party to giving pool safety tips to children? all right. give fox credits. full tips for white and black kids are very different. shoot. first up, white kids. oh there you go. okay, number one, don't run around the pool. right? number two, always make sure there's a lifeguard on duty. number three, never dive into the shallow end. great. good job.
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now black kids. okay. don't go to the pool. all right. those are the rules. those are the rules. you know what, guys, all this racial pool stuff is making me think it's time to go to knowledge college special public pool history edition. all right? [applause] got my floaties on here. all right, guys. racial pool panic is nothing in this country. for decades, blacks were banned from municipal pools. when they decided to use the pools, in 1938 a race riot broke out in pittsburgh when whites and blacks clashed over use of a swimming pool.
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in 1949 in st. louis, hundreds of whites surrounded a few dozen black swimmers and attacked them. here's a hotel owner in florida dumping acid into a pool to get black swimmers out. acid, you guys. that man would rather have acid in his pool than a black person. you know, the whole chemical that gets in your pool when people swim in it? cocoa butter. not making that up. we love cocoa butter. is that so wrong in? is that so wrong? it helps block the acid. of course we don't know how to swim. there's acid in the pool! class dismissed. we'll be right back. oh, welcome to oaktown. i'm getting... leather. some drinks are hardly refreshing. i think i'll go with a redd's wicked apple. now it kinda smells like loneliness. redd's wicked apple. refreshingly hard.
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>> welcome back. all right. time for our presidential election update. yeah. man, a lot is happening in the presidential campaign over the past couple of weeks. to be honest with you guys we've been too busy to covering it. i guess you could say we've been slackening on our unblackenning. a little "csi nightly show."
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we're still a year and a half away from the election, but so many candidates running they have their own tlc show. i know which one is a child molester. just saying. just saying. anyway, here's what we're going to do. let's do a quick rundown of who's in the race. put 90 seconds on the clock, you guys. oh, today's unblackening is brought to you by activia. [laughter] activia for when you're trying to get it all out in under a minute and a half. you ready? and go! hillary's nomination looks inevitable, but chafee, sanders and o'malley look evitable. then there's the bottom of the
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gop crackerjack box. one said obamacare is the worst thing to happen to slavery. to be 48 to ben carson, he may have been talking about britney spears' video "slave4u." then there's carly fiorina. you got mike huckabee, who i assume is running just to amuse me personally. jeb bush is going to announce on june 15th. sorry, jeb, but i saw the first two movies, and you need to stop remaking this. all right. george pataki, i don't know who that is. seriously. rick perry, didn't he have a funny name for his house or something?
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was it like figure head ranch ginger head ranch. what was it? oh yeah. right, right, [bleep]. and we got lindsey graham worse nabisco treat ever. all right. that's okay. i'll keep going. finally rick santorum pulling at the same percentage as reduced fat milk. i would have gotten it. you know let's talk about rick santorum for a second. okay? he recently made the pope his, like archnemesis. here's what he said last week. he was asked about pope francis' call to action against climate change. >> the church has gotten it wrong a few times on science. i think we probably are better off leaving science to the scientists. >> okay. no, i know. here's the thing, he's totally
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right. okay? he just has no idea why. right? i don't think he knows. i mean to me it's like when a dog sounds like he's saying "i love you," right? he's happy, but he doesn't understand the words. "i love you." because if he did understand what he was saying, he'd leave science to this scientist. that's right. pope francis worked as a chemist before joining the seminary. damn santorum you got poped! poped! i get it. i get it, santorum. you thought the pope was on your side. usually he is. you forgot this is a new pope. he's tweeting, he's
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snapchatting, periscoping. he's doing the outrageous thing of believing the vast majority on climate change. i tell you what, how about this? instead of telling the pope to shut up, why don't you start listening? we'll be right back.
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>> welcome back. comedian seaton smith joining us, along with comedian bonnie mcfarland. and he's a republican political consultant of frank luntz global partners, frank frank luntz. okay. so we're doing a presidential candidate round-up. oh, by the way, i want this to be an intelligent conversation. here's what i brought. i brought the rick perry smart glasses. you guys can put these on. it just makes you look smarter like rick perry, you know. there you go. >> i like that he got the glasses so people don't remember he's that rick perry. >> exactly, exactly. >> last time when he finished i was expecting him to send out a
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press release saying "i was never not drunk." >> "what should i do?" "get glasses." >> i'll give you three points. >> about glasses? oh, he did the rick perry! he did the rick perry! all right, great. who should get out right now? >> can i poll the audience? i mean, that's my job. just really quickly. >> go for it. >> if the election were between hillary clinton and jeb bush, how many of you would support hillary clinton? applaud. and how many would support jeb bush? >> that was close. that was close. >> that's the sound of 1%. >> very unscientific but very close. >> representative of america right here. >> quick vote. round of applause, how many people would go to an all-black pool party?
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hillary clinton should do all of her events at black pool parties. should anybody drop out right now, do you think? >> i think the bucket list candidates should get out. you know, the ones doing it for a personal bucket list or something. >> like huckabee? >> well i separated twins conjoined by the head, check, i'll run for president. >> ben carson? >> yes. >> the ben carson thing, i don't understand this. he gave a speech in front of obama. they were, like, oh, that brother checked that other brother. he should run for president. he's a doctor. why should he run for president? i don't get it. >> i don't know why he hasn't opened his eyes yet this whole time. he's been squinting like crazy. >> obama, you've done it again. >> thank you very much. >> does ben carson have a real
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listeningrealistic chance? >> i'm grateful there's a brother that's a republican. there aren't many of them. the issue is healthcare. >> there are none! >> there's three of them. remember? we always have one crazy one per election cycle. let's not forget herman cain allen west. >> rick perry, you make a lot of sense now! >> all right, mr. herman cain. ben carson, no chance? >> no chance. >> ted cruz does he just get out now? >> he's canadian. you can't let a canadian -- that's like letting your little brother drive. oh, no, he's not ready. he's going to crash. >> okay. i don't think even the
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republicans think ted cruz is great. >> a lot of republicans like him. >> think he's great? >> i think they like him. >> republicans think he's great? >> a lot of republicans like him. >> let's poll the audience. >> here's what i want to know. the republicans keep talking about "take the country back." what does that mean? >> take it back from the feminists? >> the feminists took the country? >> i think they think so. santorum wants to go back to where there's prayer in school and polio -- >> polio? polio? that's fantastic. >> he wants women to not be able to vote again. those were the good old days to him. >> should we go back to the days of polio? those are good days. >> i'm a message guy. i think i can sell that to new hampshire. >> oh man. all right.
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what about the -- i feel like bernie sanders is somebody that tells the truth. people who tell the truth can never get elected president. [cheers and applause] >> right? do you agree with me on bernie sanders? let me ask you this. do you think he'll get elected president? >> no! >> how many of you here would vote for him? how many of you would vote for bernie sanders? [cheers and applause] >> i think hillary's just more popular with this crowd. >> between hillary clinton and bernie sanders, who's hillary? [cheers] >> and who's bernie sanders? [cheers] >> your party is [bleep]. >> how about hillary sanders or sanders hillary? >> yeah. >> that sounds like -- >> hillary sanders? >> -- that fried chicken place. >> why are you pointing to me? i don't know why we're ending
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from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart! (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ♪ >> jon: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm jon stewart. my guest tonight we're very excited, we've got your jack of all trades, renaissance man nick offerman is going to be joining us! (cheers and applause) by the way, and i poll eyes i meant to ask you guys this yesterday, do you know what


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